Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Poem Rough Draft

Below me, I see nothing.
Nothing that matters, that is.
White. All I see is white.
But I don't look down. 
Why must it be so cold?
I can see my breath quicken.
In the air, it doesn't matter if your sunburnt.
It doesn't matter if your new to this.
All that matters is landing. 
Landing will get you that much closer to what you want most,
Nailing it.

5 comments:

Wendy Bottom said...

this peom is gienis, it is so good!!! i want to see if your landng is good or not. i enjoyed how you put a question into your peom, so the reader can get a little more involved. i enjoyed it.

Peter Johnson said...

This poem is really good and it has really good detail and description. There is a little more telling than showing. I think it is really good but i would make it a little longer.

Blair Waldorf said...

i love your poem. i like how you compare the air wiht your breath and sunburt, then you go into landing. i think you make a good transition from line to line which is very important. i also like how you showed what was happening rather than telling whats happening.

Lily Williams said...

this poem is really interesting. it shows you different aways that you made it so that people could see what your writing abaout. great start!

B-Low said...

that sounds pretty intense. so are you snowboarding and you went off a jump? this is very detailed and u made it vary detailed.